All his life, Searan had been told never to go beyond the canyon. He had been told of the heat on the west side and the chill on the east.
But as he stood at the edge of the only village in existence, he wondered if this was true.
The world, he had been told, was flat; on one side of the earth, there was night; cold, moon and stars. The other side was day; hot, sun, no clouds.
Between the lands of Sun and Moon was the only inhabitable place, Balance Canyon. And Searan was leaving it. Leaving behind Teira, Demo and his mother. And, most possibly, his life.
Balance Canyon, the only place where food could grow and people live. Well, Searan was going to prove it wrong. He would go live in this wasteland, the Sunaricuni, the Land of the Sun. And he would come back, years later, as a hermit.
Ha, he’d tell them; I did the so-called impossible and still standing here!
He cast one last, long look at the only village, and heaved himself over the rim of the canyon.
Goodbye, Teira
Goodbye, Demo
I love you, mother.
________
This occurred to me whilst I was thinking, 'what if the world really *was* flat, and the night and the dark stayed on opposite sides? But there has to be life, so there would be a small intersection.' XD
Ideas all belong to me. XD
~Sumi
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,247 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
I like it! I hope you continue. The only thing I could find was the lack of character development, although that is probably just because it is flash fiction.
Sounds good, Sumi!
It sounds like a awesome story in the making.
~PN
Really interesting stuff. I like the philosophical point of view in this. Good piece of fan fiction. Peace!
:facepalm: I can't believe I left that out!
Because I currently have 2 stories right now (the Geezer and Bubble Picture:-ducks glare from ofour-:) and a couple storybooks, this might not be lengthened until...:scratches chin thoughtfully:...late summer. (NaNo in Novem. and HP in the summer XDXDXD)
And then there are the half-dozen other Flash Fics I've written with people asking me to write a longer story that elaborated on the fic. XD (:Sumi trying to keep up with a big notebook of stories:)
Maybe I should stop writing them, people keep asking for more...maybe this is a little like what J.K. Rowling feels... ^_~
Thanks for reviewing, guys! I like the idea a great deal myself, there's a good chance this'll make it into the final inbox of the story office of my brain ^_^U
Once again, arigato! I appreciate the help! (And you pointing out that embarrassing error...DX)
~Sumi
Very good. You could most definitely make this into a longer story. It has great potential and a beginning that hooks the reader.
It seems like a pretty cool start. Simple enough to follow and pretty interesting. I wanna know why he's leaving though, so you might try to tell the reader that. And then add more. There's not very much there.
I think you left something out in this sentence.
Ha, he’d tell them; I did the so-called impossible and still standing here!
Did you mean
Ha, he’d tell them; I did the so-called impossible and I'm still standing here!
?
Anyways. The story looks like it has potential. Add more to it.